A MONSTROUS STORY

First I lay with the monster, because my Dad picked up a flower from his garden. It would never occur to me then that I might love him, let alone that he might be a charmed man. And before I managed to get into love properly, he, with his spine curved, skull big, brain unfolded, covered his private parts and ran away.

Second time I laid with the monster, because my heart demanded a kind act. He was so outcast, lonely and unloved, and I thought what the big deal is, I already have the experience of monster love. How would I know that…? It was a charmed raven, once we got into bed, it flapped wings and flew away.

The third time I laid with the monster probably longing for the first two. After all, they were my monsters. They were neither mine, nor even monsters, though. This one, too, didn’t drop behind: it turned out to be a charmed rabbit. Before I took my bra off it flapped ears and disappeared in the bushes.

What I cannot understand is why I laid with the monster the fourth time. Perhaps out of revenge? But what revenge could I take from a poor lizard? It didn’t even come close to bed. The wondrous transformation happened after a kiss. And I found myself unmonstered again.

I decided to never lay with monsters, something that didn’t seem to take much effort. But the power of habit is powerful. Maybe it’s not the habit though. I don’t know. I promise a prize to everyone who can explain the mystery of my inclination for the monstrosity. For me it’s an unsolvable riddle.

Then I laid with a number of monsters and most of them became people, some of them dogs and cats, another part cocked, and many donkeyed, there were goats, sheep, pigs, cavies, turtles, parrots, doves, bats, mice, rats, moles… etc. One of them even turned into a pumpkin. And in this monster-rich world I never encountered a real monster non-charmed, non-transformable and incurable freak.

Last time I laid with a monster a month ago. When I noticed his red eyes, unwashed hair, the dirt under his uncut claws among all those sweet princes, another time I thought I had eventually found him. But… No flying from fate.

I hardly started moaning in passion when I noticed a fish thrashing between my thighs… It gasps for air, and, wow, speaks human language: “Don’t throw me into water, I’m a golden fish, I’ll do what you want”. I say: “You stupid fish, can you tell me where to find a true monster. “No”, it says, “all monsters are charmed, everybody knows it…” Then, I say, die! Frightened, he cries out: “No, no, only not that, love me, please…” It roars and I see its eyes go read and claws get long…

I was about to throw myself into its arms, then I understood there was no sense; it would become a fish again. I said goodbye, golden fish; I’m not excited by monsters anymore. And I left.

Then it plucked all the flowers of his garden for me. Then it started stealing from neighbor gardens. Later there were no flowers in the town.

And once it got caught. I was about to love, but I know, once I love, it’ll become a fish. And now at least…

It’s none of my business, though. I decided to put an end to this monstrous story. This time for sure. Monsters don’t move me anymore. Really. Absolutely. You have my word. They say the leopard will never… Shit. Hell with leopards. I believe in what I say. I’m sure… I can take an oath. I swear. On the other hand… Oh, stop it. I almost forgot. Full stop. However, if you know where monsters can be found… Damn!

2000

Translated by Eva Martirosyan